midnight insomniac ramblings

It’s midnight here in Florida and there’s 2 weeks now until the Walt Disney World Marathon and I officially can’t sleep!  I decided to get up and put some thoughts down, so excuse the randomness while I blurt out what’s contributing to tonight’s insomnia-

1.  Christmas is over.  Whew.  I feel bad though because 2 cards that I mailed to family members got returned with a wrong address and no forwarding info.  Seriously, who doesn’t give forwarding addresses?  I contacted one cousin about it to get her new address but haven’t yet contacted the other whose card I got back today.  I should do that.  I keep writing the note I’d put in the Facebook messenger over and over in my head but I haven’t actually done it yet.  Doing so would clear up valuable worry space.  

2.  I’m starting to go over my packing list and how I’m going to juggle my work days with my Dopey days in a couple weeks.  I haven’t decided if I’m going to go in to work after the 10K or not.  My parents are coming in Thursday afternoon and I’m afraid they’re going to be bored because I don’t want to go traipsing around the parks all day.  They don’t want to buy their tickets until they get to the hotel, or the morning that they want to go to a park and the lack of planning there is driving me nuts!  I want to book Fastpasses and have things as organized as possible to give them the best experience I can, but that’s not looking like it’s going to happen.

3.  I think they’re just coming because I may have too strongly suggested or assumed they would.  I don’t think anyone understands why I’m doing this, or why I really run at all.  All I hear is that I’m crazy, or when I’m sore I hear things like “Well, you‘re doing this to yourself” (even from my won boyfriend) and if it weren’t for the support from the online groups I don’t know if I could take it.  I’m pretty sure they do tell their friends and the rest of the family about my races because people ask me about them, but no one really knows what to say after that.  (Besides “So, how many miles is it?”)  I want to accomplish something amazing- there are so many things I do that just feel mediocre.  I get the feeling sometimes that my idea of amazing isn’t on par with everyone else’s.  I know I should be running just for me, and I do.  It’s my thinking time.  My “me time.”  I drive myself crazy with my own thoughts, though.

4.  We spent several days in Louisiana with my family for Christmas.  Scot was pretty intimidated with all the activity and visiting with all my relatives (we had 21 people for Christmas day lunch) and I kind of was, too.  I mean, I’ve known these people all my life, but the past several years since everyone’s married off and had kids, I feel like I have nothing in common with anyone.  Neither of us had a single word to contribute to the conversations about the kids we don’t really know at all, the duck hunting stories, the prices of oil, the local politics and happenings, or the recent goings-on in the family.  We work a lot.  We travel probably a bit more than the settled-down groups.  All we know to talk about is the Caribbean and Disney and airplanes.  And now running, to round out the conversational topics.  All of those a virtual dead end after you scratch the surface with someone who can’t relate.  “Oh, wow, that‘s interesting!” is about as far as you get.  Same goes for us on the kid/hunt/oil/gossip front though.

5.  I admit, I was a little let down that I didn’t get any “fun” running stuff or Dopey-related items for Christmas this year.  I did get the specific items I needed (oofos & balega socks) but nothing personal.  I think what lends to the let-down feel there is not the lack of stuff but rather the lack of support and thoughtfulness, which stems from the lack of understanding.  A Dopey mug, a little 26.2 charm or necklace, Christmas ornament, whatever you know?  I reiterate that I’m not doing this for attention or glory (lord knows I‘m not gonna win), but it’s been such a long, hard journey and I think I’m getting worn out and stressed as Marathon Weekend approaches. 

6.  I can hear my mom telling me in my head that I’m being too self-centered and whiny, but for god sakes, I’m tired.  I just want to get out there and run these races surrounded by people with similar goals and experiences and that understand me.  I want to see the spectators with their poster board signs of support, their funny signs, the ones they hold up for hours and hours waiting for just one specific person to see it.  I want to be that person with that kind of support.

7.  This one is to hold myself accountable for making my costumes for January.  Confession: I have nothing special to wear for the 5K and I’m ok with that.  I don’t even like rolling out of bed for less than 6.2, so the 5K is a formality here.  Jog, take it easy, get my rubber medallion, and go to work is the plan for that day.  I’ve spent way to much money tonight online- I reserved a RunDisney Dooney & Bourke purse because I want one really bad and didn’t want to risk missing out at the Expo where they sell the leftovers.  I then bought a mermaid-fish scale pattern SparkleSkirt because I found out they weren’t going to be at the Expo at all.  2 day delivery should have it here with time to spare.  I’ve got to find a purple tank top just in case the weather is warmer, I have a purple shirt already but I want to be 110% prepared.  I got some white satin fabric today to repurpose my Orange Bird costume into a Nemo one.  Gotta make some stripes and get them glued on tomorrow maybe.  I also got craft foam to make my fins.  I’m using the rest of the satin fabric to add to my blue outfit I’ve worn before as Cinderella and Eeyore, this time for Blue Dress Aurora.  I got some yellow glittery craft foam I’ve got to somehow turn into her crown, otherwise people are going to think I’m Cinderella again.  

8.  I keep asking Scot what he wants to accomplish or do in the new year- hoping he’ll mention something about trips he wants to take, goals he has, his ideas on the future of our aging relationship, when he wants to replace the fridge or any other projects….anything.  But he just shrugs.  Boys are dense.  It’s driving me crazy.  


I think that’s it… lots of stuff going through my head tonight.  I hope getting it out will make sleeping a bit easier.  

Thanks for listening.

ps: I did send that message about the Christmas card.  It's out of my hands, now.